Thinking of You  / Trovia "Jacob's Mommy"

Jennifer and Mike,

You have been on my mind alot here lately.  I couldn't help but hurt for you both as Mother's Day and Father's Day came and went.  I know you, as I, struggled through those two days.  It is so hard to see other parents celebrating that special day when you don't have your child to celebrate it with you.  I am praying that God's will be for you to have another baby and you can experience that special love once again. 

I can see our boys celebrating every day with Jesus.  I can see them running and jumping in the mud puddles and peeing behind the trees (I don't think I will ever forget you putting that in Jacob's tribute)..........I laughed and laughed because that is what little boys do and ours never got that experience here on earth.  I know they are having the time of their lives and I look forward to the day that we can all be together again.

You will never know how much you two mean to me and my family.  I miss you and hope that we can find some time to get together this summer.  You know how life is.............we always have things we have to do and we say "we are going to have to get together" and never make the time.  I don't want life to pass us by because we never know when our time will come to leave this world.

I love you and continue to pray for you.  You are very special to me.  Thank you for always being there.

 

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I am so sorry for your loss  / Shay (Someone who cares )

Jen

   I read this story in the G/Ts and it really touched my heart and wanted to lit a candle in his name and let you know there are folks out here that care that does not know you or your faimly. And we are praying for you and hope that things will get better for you. I know that it is hard to lose someone that you love for I personally have been through that. And the inner pain never goes away. And it seems to never get eaiser. I lost my best friend Brinny ( brenda) and my mom and how awful that pain was so I know your pain and will be praying for you. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of this with you and your family.

Shay

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Joshua's picture in Sunday's paper  / Peggy Wetzel
Jennifer, I did know anything about this until I saw the picture in the paper on Sunday. I am so sorry for you and your family. You are a strong and wonderful person and I know that God has helped you during this difficult time. He will continue to help you.If I can ever help you please let me know. Please accept my love and sympathy late. Peggy Wetzel Close

Amazing lil angel.....  / Tara Workman
I have to say this was the most touching story ever. The church secretary and I just cried reading this memorial. I am the youth pastor's wife, and we have just adopted. We went through some fertility treatments in Birmingham. I can not sit here as I type to tell you that I understand what you are going through. What I do know is that GOD knows. Reading this was such a blessing. I will pray for you, and I know that God will use you to reach many couples that go through this to come to HIM. Wow------- Close

three years  / Mommy

Three years... it feels like yesterday. I had to wait six days befor I could even hold you in my arms.  In the eight months you were here on earth you change our lives forever! And you will forever be in our lives. I WILL NOT let you memory die. I love you and miss you.  

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I feel your pain.......  / Trovia "Jacob's Mommy"
Jennifer, I read your entry "Learning to Live Again" and I know exactly how you feel.  I too have had my feelings hurt by people telling me that I will get over Jacob's death, that I will learn to get on with my life, that the pain will cease.  Those people have never experienced the death of their child.  There is a difference in loosing a loved one such as a grandmother, etc over loosing the baby that you carried for nine months.  They were not there when you sat up all hours of the night at the hospital day in and day out walking the floors, sleeping in hard chairs and praying to God that he would allow you to have Joshua a little while longer.  It is so hard not to be angry and you have every right to be.  It is amazing how rude some people can be and not even realize what they are doing at the time.  We will always suffer the pain of our little boys not being with us............there is no getting over it!  There is only hope that the pain will get a little bit easier so that we don't cry every time we walk past the baby stuff in Walmart or see a mom carrying her new baby.  It is so hard and it seems so unfair that there are people who have babies every day and they don't even care for them.  It breaks my heart to see couples like you struggling to have a baby and it doesn't happen.  Don't give up hope.  Without hope you have nothing.  It may be that there is a special baby waiting to be adopted and that is the road you will have to take.  No, it isn't your biological child but it is a baby who will know you and Mike as it's parents and that is all that matters.  I love you both so much and I hate it that you are having a hard time.  I pray that if it is God's will that you have another child it happen soon and if not I pray that he brings an infant into your life to help you in your healing process.  You are not replacing Joshua.  There will never be a replacement.  He would not want you to give up on life becasue of him not being with you.  He would want you to be happy.  Hang in there and keep your faith that God will provide your happiness of having another child.  I pray that hurt feelings be mended and that people will come to understand that you don't just get over loosing a child.  You learn to live life all over again.........like you said, you're learning to walk again.  Let God lead you in that walk.

I'm sorry if I may sound harsh to other people who read this but unless you have walked in our shoes, it cannot be understood by the ones who haven't.

I love you and I am here for you and Mike anytime you need me.

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Hey Little Man  / Wakisha Johnson (friend (T-Kee) )
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Blue Eyes Watching  / Meme Brewster (grandmother)

You were always watching all the people who came and went around you. Eyes full of wonder, eyes full of hope. eyes that said who are you and what are you doing now? Then the eyes that said, oh! thats mom.Or thats dad! Then who is that lady with the funny hair? Oh! thats my meme,she funny. I think I'll smile for her a little today.      I miss those eyes so full of life,so full of wonder. but God need more than this old world. So we gave you up with a heavy heart and tears in eyes. There will never be any eyes that look at us that way again . But with Gods help there will be other eyes.  we will always love you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

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"Learning to live again"  / Jennifer Evans (mommy)
This Christmas I tried to focus on the joy on our nephew's faces. I tried to be appreciative of the great presents I received. I tried to enjoy the delicious food and appreciate the family that I had, but there was an empty place at our table. More importantly, there was an empty place in my arms.

There is nothing good about struggling with the loss of your child and  infertility on Christmas Day. There is also nothing fair about it. It just plain stinks.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase my pain, but I know that wand does not exist. If it did, I would have all ready used it. 

I have been told the every thing I do and have done, since Nov. 24, 2005, is part of my healing. The "learning how to live again" process. I guess if I had to say where I am in that process, it would be just learning to walk again. I never thought I would get my legs under me.

I know there has been relationships hurt in my (healing) growing process. I never meant to heart any one. I would like to think that others did not mean to heart me as well. I hope one day those wounds will heal.

I hope that people understand the difference between healing from my loss and forgetting my loss.

When something bad happens in ones life, most people tell them to move on. That means, to forget about what ever has happen and to go on living you life. I see people in our families doing just that. Yes, Joshua pictures are sitting out somewhere. But it seems to be the picture that came in the frame from the store, not my child. His name is not spoken much. I guess, not to upset me or maybe them?

I will never forget or stop talking about him. I carried him for almost eight months, I felt him move before any one else did. I read the Bible to him every night before I went to sleep. Then I was to first to hold him, I kissed his head and sang to him every day. And when I could not hold him, I got as closed as I could. I never change my shampoo, lotion or anything that smelled different, so he would not get confused with my scent.

I will not let others turn off my feelings, happy or sad, just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

I will not let others turn me off when I am talking about Joshua, just because they can’t deal with their own feelings.

I will not just “move on”. I will live through this. I will live through my pain and I am “learning to live again”. I can imagine it might be hard to be around me sometimes, I know because sometimes it is hard for me, to be me.

So please be patient with me as I “learn to live again” This is the hardest thing I have ever done. 



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The Rain...........  / Trovia "Jacob's Mommy"
Today it is raining and I can imagine seeing Josh and Jacob jumping in the mud puddles and chasing big toad frogs all over Heaven's gardens.  I know that they are having the time of their life.  I miss them so much and look forward to the day that we can see them again.

Mike & Jennifer,
I love you two so very much and want you to know that I am always here for you no matter what the need may be.  Take care and look for that rainbow that Josh is to send you.
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I miss you my little bug  / Mommy
 Joshua, I miss you more that words can express. My love for you grows stronger every day. My heart longs to hold you again.
I have seen so many things that I would have love to bought you this Christmas. I would love to seen your eyes light up at the sight of the Christmas tree, and playing with your toys. This is our third Christmas with out you. The first year I was so numb, the second I was just trying to make it though. This year I really feel the pain of not having you here.

Life goes on, but I feel like my heart has stopped. I know that most people don’t understand my pain. And I know the only way to really know, is to have gone though it. And as much as I would like people to understand the way I feel, it is something I whish one to go though.

I know, that at some point in my life, the pain of losing Joshua will easy. But to today is not that day. Maybe, hopefully it will be this year.

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Merry Christmas!  / Trovia Harper (Jacob's Mommy )

Jennifer and Mike,

I know that the pain of not having Joshua with you for Christmas is undescribable.  Thank you for allowing me to share in Joshua's life.  I love you two and am very proud of you for being such wonderful parents to Josh.  May God bless you and keep you.  I pray that our boys will stay close to our hearts, especially the next few days as we struggle through the holidays without them.

God is good and he will comfort us as we celebrate Christmas.  I can only imagine the smiles on our boys faces as they celebrate in Heaven.    I miss them so much.  


I love you and pray comfort and strength fall upon you.

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What a blessing!!!  / Amy McMillan
I know that every moment with little Joshua was treasured.  I am thankful that the Lord brought him in to your life and I know that God used this little miracle to draw you and others closer to Him. Close

Precious Angel  / Trovia Jacob's Mommy
Jennifer & Mike,
You will never know how much you have touched my life.  I remember the day that I met you, Jennifer, in the Dialysis Center before Josh was born.   I shared with you some of Jacob's story and you just cried.  I knew that you were so scared and my heart was breaking for you because the unknown is so terrifying.  

I remember the first time Mike met Jacob..........ya'll came into the dialysis unit one Saturday and Mike could hear Jacob laughing and playing before he ever got around the corner.  He smiled in amazement that this child and Josh sharing so many problems in common could be so happy and so full of life.  I could see the look of hope in Mike's eyes.   Without hope we have nothing.

God blessed you with Josh.  He picked two very special people to take care of his special angel for just a little while.  I am so very proud of you two for being there for Josh and doing everything in your power to help make his life better.  Thank you for being there for me and Jacob as well.  We leaned on each other for our support and you will always have a very special place in my heart.

You have wonderful memories of Josh that you will cherish forever.  He will always be with you and I am so proud that I got to know Josh before he went home to be with the Lord.  Every time I see a frog I think of Josh :)

I know that he was waiting at the Gates of Heaven for his big brother, Jacob.  I can see those two now running and playing, peeing behind treees and having the time of their life.  Believe me, Joshua and Jacob have probably had their share of being put in "time out".  We have to smile and know that they are free.  

Precious Joshua,
You are loved and missed so very, very much.  Please visit your mommy and daddy in their dreams.  Send them a rainbow every now and then to let them know that you are always near.  We look forward to the day that we can all be reunited again.  I can't wait to see you and Jacob standing at the Gates of Heaven waiting for our return.

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I know that God exsists because of Josh  / Becki Cannon ("aunt" in my heart )
Gosh, I hadn't spoke to Jenn in almost a year when I found out she was pregnant.  I was happy for her.  All I wanted was for Jenn to be happy, & I knew she was.  Then I heard about her sweet little baby.  As a mother, I ached for them.  I wanted so bad to talk to Jenn.  I always had my mom call with an update, because I was living in the Carolinas, and I didn't know what to say, after being silent for so long.  Then we got to come home. In April, I pulled up to a red light and there was Mike.  I summoned the courage to say hello, & he said she was home.  So I thought, maybe, but what would I say?  As I passed by Jenn's house, her door was opened wide.  That was my answer.  I knocked, she answered, we talked & we forgave.  Later that week, I met THE SWEETEST angel ever.  The prayers and hope we had for that little boy grew over several states.  Every one who knew Jenn and Mike prayed and passed it on.  I honestly believe our love for Josh mended a hurt relationship with Jenn and Me.  I'm not sure why God brings people in your life, but I know that He brought Josh to me so I could come home.  I love you Jenn and I still wish you nothing but happiness.

Love-

Becki Close